my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
