I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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