I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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