watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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