Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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