So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
We left an ass print on the piano.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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