hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
