I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize