Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
