I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
