Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Randomize
