Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
