Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Small penises have feelings too.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
