Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
That was an excessively violent trivia night
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
