puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
