we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
