Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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