last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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