That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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