Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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