The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
