Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
