life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
