I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
