Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
