That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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