i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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