how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
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