i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
