Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
