i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
God, I missed his penis.
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