thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize