I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
