he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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