We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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