Just cropdusted the office
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
