I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
