I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
