you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
