I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
