I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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