sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
