Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
