party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
