hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
