Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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