i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
