Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
