you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
