Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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