Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
