is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
In America we eat man semen.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Randomize