I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
