First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
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