Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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