I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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