sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize