I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
