bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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