look no pants
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize