I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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