I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
