It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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