matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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