Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize