does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I am one with the molecules
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
