what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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