New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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