hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
