ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
