the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
So many bounce houses so little time
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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