you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
