I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Randomize
