Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
