As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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