explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
