Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
