There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
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