When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
