no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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