awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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