I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Congratulations! We have a period
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
