oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
