My vagina just recognized that song.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
