I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I wish I only lived at night.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
