part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
wow bdsm is so cute
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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