Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
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