you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
