you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
