There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
