You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
