everyone is single if you try hard enough
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
