found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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