Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
