it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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