Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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