I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
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