Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
