about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
whose parrot is this?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
