I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
