Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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