the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
