Too much gin, very little bucket
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
