I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
