I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
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