I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
