She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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