Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
