I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
