oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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