There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
