you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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