i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
